Well, here goes. Another post. I told you I would post multiple times a day for those first few days. Somehow, the past few weeks have been surprisingly thoughtful for me, compared to the chaos of the life which I lead.
It sounds remarkably simple- wake up, get ready, go to school, come home, do homework, noodle on the net, perhaps do something interesting (dance class on certain days, coffeehouse on Thurdays, play rehearsals coming up), and then get ready, and go to bed. Rinse and repeat.
But, as in most things, it's not quite as simple as it seems, unfortunately. A basic routine may be established, but, of course, the main course d'jour can't be put any more specifically, or the routine falls to pieces.
Not only is there academia- math, social studies, and the like, which is not so horrendous or chaotic, but there's the social aspects of it all, too. Oh, Alex likes Alexandra. OOOH, Draco is dating Hermione. Do we really care? (Well, except for the last one, of course. And that's not canon, so it doesn't count.)
But now I am feeling especially thoughtful. I haven't been doing great for the past few months, but I thought I was over that now. I thought I was clear of all that. Oh, how wrong I see I was then.
Now a good friend is down there, too. She was talking about suicide today. She was talking about how she would do it- drug overdose, nothing painful. I told her it would be painful to do that to all of us. Painful to put that burden on parents, friends, family. Anything that hurts others isn't painless.
Anything that hurts yourself isn't painless, either. I don't want her doing that. I had enough of that when it was me. I DO NOT want her to be there. "I tried to think it was a sick fancy; I didn't like to own it..." said Beth from Little Woman. That's almost just what I said at the time. I thought I could get over it by myself, and as time went on, I wasn't so ashamed of it anymore. It wasn't so dangerous, so exciting, so wrong. It fell into the routine.
I don't want her to have a routine like that.
About Me
- Celly
- I am... a reader, a writer, a poet, a collector, a singer, a Wiccan, a vegetarian, a dancer, a student, an actress, a nerd, a know-it-all, a geek, an environmentalist, an activist, and, I suppose, a moody teenage girl.
1 comment:
That's really depressing- I hope your friend is better! Ugh, I can't STAND drama. Once again, all girls school. You would think there would be less drama without guys all the time, but I think it might actually be worse- There's about 4 guys that like half the grade has dated and broken up with and cheated with. It's kind od sickening. They say it gets better in high school- nope. Well, at least not yet, halfway through my freshman year. There's a dance coming up this weekend that I'm almost scared to go to because I dodnt want to have to play counselor in a corner while someone else is consoling the other girl. Oh well, there's always college, i guess.
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